just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
