you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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