Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
