well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
