My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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