Whod you bang
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
