I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
