Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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