Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
