just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
