U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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