God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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