Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
