Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
