I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
