hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
