bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My life is pants optional.
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