guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
