ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
