You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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