i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
