So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
