he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
