Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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