Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
