Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
