I think I am morally bankrupt
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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