I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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