i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
