Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
