Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
someone owes me an orgasm
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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