Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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