She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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