I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
