Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize