left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
