Grow some girl-balls and come out already
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Michael Bay diarrhea
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize