I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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