I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
