Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
