Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
