He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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