so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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