is your mom at the bar?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
