im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
