UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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