and she was petting her beer can
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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