I think i sorta joined a cult last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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