i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
