you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
