You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
