sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
