Don't make out with my wife yet
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize