I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
