Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
