if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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