No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
