Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dignity is for republicans.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize