Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
