do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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