you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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